Having spent a night in the hospital recently (my first and hopefully my last for a long time), I learned some interesting things about them. First of all, I am convinced that somewhere in that hospital there was a sign-up list with my room number to make sure there was always someone available to wake me up! "Oh crap, it's 3 AM, I have to go wake Pegg up"! I also suspect since there isn't a lot happening on the floor at 3 AM, that the nurses sit back at the nurses station and watch your heart monitor. As soon as it starts to slow and they know you are relaxing and going to sleep, here they come! "Sorry to wake you up, but we need to check your pulse and blood pressure". What the heck, doesn't that monitor tell you what my pulse is! Then, if that isn't enough, they have a fail safe backup plan. They run an IV into you, pump fluids in like there is no tomorrow. If someone forgets to wake you up, no problem, you have to get up and take a leak every half hour anyway. Hospitals are no place to get any kind of rest! Sorry, Parker, but you have to know it is true.
And I always suspected people where just making up how bad the food is. I mean really, food is food, right? Is that liquid diet some kind of masochistic twist in the cook? First thing I did when I left that hospital was stop and get a big, juicy cheese burger! I thought they wanted to starve me to death.
I also learned some interesting vocabulary. Actually, I learned it after I left the hospital and had a chance to talk to the local fire chief, who is a friend, and the first to my house when I had my little episode. He taught me what DRT is (dead right there - you know, they guy is shaving and just falls down, dead on the spot) and that they call guys that are not responding or didn't respond, drains, they are spiraling down the drain and there ain't no stopping them. And did you know, a lot of medical emergencies and deaths occur in the bathroom? Some old guy sitting on the throne (thank God not in a public restroom - wouldn't that just put Aaron over the top), straining to get out the prunes, and the strain is to much for his fragile blood vessels in his brain - pop goes the weasel - you guessed it - DRT.
7 comments:
HAHHAHAHAH
Could you imagine if Sam had been pooping and the old guy walks in and dies there. Sam would have had to sit there all night. Waiting for the guy to leave
mmmmmmmmmmmmcrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap
First of all i could put a catheter in for you and you could drink all you want and watch football with out getting up. Second of all, I drug my patients and pray that their blood pressure and pulse remain low with their respirations on the border so they don't bother me all night long. I hate to be bothered, and the shear sound of the call ball going off makes me so angry that I would poop on the DRT guy in the bathroom. I hate nurses. out here
Parker, I know better than that. I know you CARE beyond the call of duty for your boys and would never see them as an imposition on your time. That is what you are there for, you believe, and I am sure you are, that you are the best thing those boys have going for them and anything you can do to make them more comfortable that is within your control, dude, I know you get it done! And if you can't get it done, by God, you will find someone who can!
I don't know if any of you were aware or not but Sam has no shame. I thought I would just let you know. And I am dying to know what the comment you deleated was. And while I'm here. Can we get some gross pictures of your patients mouths. I want to have to hold back my lunch at least once a day.
I will see what I can do as far as the photo goes. I believe I have a real nice one of a surgery I did recently. Since it is a family member, I am not going to worry about all that federal information protection garbage. Stay tuned.
Aaron you nearly vomitted all over the office let alone inside of your mouth when I showed a bullet in a guy, or what shrapnel can do to a limb...you are a little girl and your stomach even smaller. This odd request of yours only proves that you are a sick sick little ninny! out here
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